A NEW mum suffering from post-natal depression took a kitchen knife to bed as she plotted to knife her partner to death.
Rachael Hambleton, 34, was struck by the illness after she gave birth to her first daughter Betsy.
Rachael, who works as a facilities manager, asked her partner to rush home claiming she needed help when she actually planned to kill him.
The mum-of-three from Devon, who was 22 at the time, said: "I had never felt loneliness like it. I was desperate and had absolutely no support.
"I just felt petrified and alone and like I was drowning as a new mum and wanted to give up.
"I called my partner and begged him to come home. I begged so hard I was on my knees and what went from silent sobs turned into a panic attack."
Rachael, who was unaware she had postnatal depression, says she told herself the best way to feel better was to kill her partner.
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The mum has chosen not to name her ex-lover because they are no longer together.
She continued: "I was struggling and I needed him. But he wasn't there, so I thought if I kill him, then I will be fine so I decided at that point I would stab him to death.
"I said to myself that if he is gone, I will be better. I thought if I was on my own then I would just have to cope."
Rachael kept a knife in her bed so she would be ready to stab her partner.
She said: "I hid it under my pillow - a metre away from where our daughter slept.
"My brain was just so unwell at the time, it tricked me into thinking this was normal."
Rachael never followed through the with attack but it took her another 15 months to overcome her illness.
She is now mum to three daughters, Betsy, 12, Tallulah, eight, and Edie, three, as well as step-sons Seb, 11, and Isaac, seven.
In March she warned other parents about a disturbing Snapchat bullying game where youngsters compete to see who can say the nastiest thing to someone.
Rachael uses her blog called Part-time Working Mummy to help mums who are struggling with postnatal depression and postnatal psychosis.
She is also supporting the Every Mum Movement which raises awareness of the struggles mums face in terms of physical and mental health.
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